Today’s topic: How narcissists judge women – saints and whores.
In today’s world, more and more attention is being given to the relationship between narcissists and women, especially in terms of how narcissists perceive the opposite sex.
Narcissistic supply—which includes praise, attention, admiration, fame, and sexual conquest—is the narcissist’s primary “fuel.” It is absolutely essential for maintaining their self-esteem and false self-image.
Because narcissists lack a stable inner identity, they rely on external validation to feel valuable and important. Admiration boosts their perceived worth, while sexual conquest and status affirm their dominance in their social environment.
At the same time, narcissists are deeply afraid of intimacy—particularly sexual intimacy. This fear stems from two main sources:
• Intimacy implies vulnerability, and narcissists avoid vulnerability at all costs.
• Intimacy requires mutuality and equality, which goes against the narcissist’s fundamental need for control and superiority.
This complicated relationship with intimacy leads to toxic relational patterns. Narcissists often treat their partners merely as sources of supply while avoiding real emotional closeness. This creates distance and tension in their relationships, where partners often feel used and emotionally neglected—because the narcissist is incapable of truly connecting and often disengaged sexually as well.
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The Two Main Types of Narcissists: Cerebral and Somatic
Let’s go deeper: narcissists typically fall into two broad types when it comes to how they relate to sex and intimacy—cerebral narcissists and somatic narcissists.
There are key differences in how each type uses their personal attributes to manipulate others and secure narcissistic supply. This dual approach not only reflects their internal dynamic but also shapes how they build relationships and view women and sexuality.
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Cerebral Narcissists
These are the “intellectuals”—the ones who pride themselves on being geniuses.
Cerebral narcissists rely on their intellect. They place high value on intelligence, knowledge, and mental prowess. They use these traits to impress, manipulate, and ultimately secure narcissistic supply.
It’s important to understand that cerebral narcissists often despise or completely avoid sexual relationships. They believe that intellectual dominance is their greatest source of power. Compared to intellect, sexuality is seen as primitive, unimportant, or even beneath them—so sexual activity is often minimal or entirely dismissed.
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Somatic Narcissists
These are the ones who use their bodies to dominate and manipulate.
Unlike the cerebral type, somatic narcissists derive their narcissistic supply from physical appearance, sexuality, and bodily attraction. They are obsessed with how they look: constantly working out, eating clean, dressing to impress—it’s all about the exterior.
For them, physical attractiveness and sex are the primary ways to gain attention, admiration, and desirability. Many somatic narcissists actively seek out sexual encounters because it reinforces their sense of control and superiority.
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Their Views on Sex and Women Differ Greatly
Cerebral and somatic narcissists have radically different relationships with both sex and women.
Cerebral narcissists tend to neglect or avoid sex, even in committed relationships. They center the relationship on intellectual compatibility. They seek partners who are smart, refined, and culturally sophisticated—someone who can match their mental level.
Somatic narcissists, on the other hand, view women mostly as objects of physical attraction and sexual conquest. What matters is external appearance: big breasts, pretty face, sexy body, low maintenance. No questions, no problems—just perform in the kitchen and the bedroom.
For many somatic narcissists, that’s enough. They want nothing more from a woman.
(While this post mostly refers to male narcissists, it’s worth noting that female narcissists also exist in both cerebral and somatic forms.)
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Relationship Dynamics of Narcissists
These differences drastically shape how cerebral and somatic narcissists function in relationships.
Cerebral narcissists often maintain emotionally distant and sexually disconnected partnerships. The bond is centered around intellectual engagement, not physical or emotional closeness.
Somatic narcissists, on the other hand, tend to create highly physical, sexually charged relationships. They focus heavily on appearances—not only their own, but also their partner’s. Image is everything.
Where the cerebral narcissist conquers with the mind and seeks an intellectually stimulating woman, the somatic narcissist conquers with the body and demands a partner who’s attractive and obedient. Nothing more.
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How Narcissists Classify Women: Saints vs. Whores
Due to their distorted inner world, narcissists view women in extreme, polarized categories: either as saints or as whores.
This binary judgment reflects the narcissist’s own internal fragmentation. Their deep-rooted self-esteem issues surface most clearly in their relationships with women.
They cannot see women as complex, multidimensional human beings. Instead, they split them into two rigid types—each serving a different narcissistic function.
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The Saints
The “saint” is the woman a narcissist sees as pure, virtuous, modest, intellectual, emotionally grounded. She is idealized for her composure, obedience, and capacity to support him without threatening his ego.
To the narcissist, the saint is a perfect figure—malleable, moldable, controllable. She accepts the narcissist’s worldview, plays by his rules, and often steps into a maternal role: nurturing him, reassuring him, forgiving his failures.
The saint becomes a co-conspirator in his fantasy world, full of childish mischief and self-inflated adventures. She is the “ideal mother figure” he never had—offering unconditional acceptance.
But here’s the twist:
Despite this seemingly idyllic dynamic, the narcissist eventually feels trapped.
There’s not enough stimulation. No chaos. No emotional volatility.
The saint doesn’t allow for sadistic games, doesn’t play along with destructive patterns, and refuses to feed the darker urges the narcissist secretly wants to act out.
This denial of stimulation only amplifies his anxiety. He becomes tense, internally tormented. Unable to release the pressure, the relationship starts to feel unbearable.
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The “Whores”
Now comes the opposite extreme: the “whore.”
In the narcissist’s mind, these are the women who are immoral, “dirty,” and willing to act out their perverse sexual fantasies. The narcissist despises them—looks down on them, dehumanizes them, and sees them as objects to be used and shamed.
It’s through this category of women that the narcissist acts out his sadistic side. He humiliates them, degrades them, controls them. In doing so, he feels temporarily more powerful, less anxious, and more stable in his false self.
With these women, he can freely express his repressed, dark desires. But here’s the trick—he does it through projection.
He assigns the “dirty” fantasies and forbidden impulses to the woman, so he doesn’t have to own them. She becomes the embodiment of all the parts of himself he cannot face. This allows him to preserve his idealized self-image while blaming the other for every act of “filth.”
He stays “clean.”
She carries the “sin.”
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The Narcissist’s Tragedy: A Trap on Both Sides
Whether he chooses a saint or a whore, the narcissist always ends up in the same place: misery.
With a saint, his inner anxiety consumes him. She doesn’t give him the chaos or cruelty he secretly craves. She’s too composed, too aware, too strong to be toyed with. She doesn’t play the game. She sees through it.
This frustrates him. He’s left with no outlet for his sadism, no way to dominate or destabilize her. He boils internally, like a pressure cooker with no release valve.
With a “whore,” he gets to act out those urges—he can dominate, humiliate, and control. It makes him feel powerful… for a while.
But these women are often unpredictable. They challenge him. They play their own games. They’re not easy to keep under control—and when he can’t dominate them, he loses his mind.
Control is everything to a narcissist. And without it? He spirals.
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This Is the Narcissist’s Core Tragedy:
No matter what he chooses, he is imprisoned by his own mind.
His rigid, false self prevents him from forming any real connection. He lacks the flexibility, empathy, and emotional capacity to engage in genuine intimacy.
• With the saint, he suffocates.
• With the whore, he unravels.
The narcissist wants control over everything and everyone. But life and human relationships cannot be controlled the way he imagines.
So regardless of the path he takes, the result is always the same:
A dead end.
A loop.
A self-inflicted trap he can never escape.
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Final Thoughts
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