The Narcissistic Conquest – Grandiose, Covert, and Malignant Narcissism: Love Bombing
Today’s topic is love bombing.
Does it always happen?
Can we say that every time a narcissist enters a new relationship, they inevitably use love bombing?
Today, we’ll dive deeper into this topic.
We’ll explore the behavior of classic grandiose (overt) narcissists, covert narcissists, and malignant narcissists as well.
Malignant narcissists are those who not only have narcissistic personality disorder but also show sociopathic and sadistic traits.
It’s widely known that narcissistic relationships typically follow a certain cycle:
• Idealization,
• Love bombing,
• Devaluation,
• Discard,
• And sometimes, hoovering (pulling you back into the cycle).
But now, let’s focus on the very first phase: love bombing.
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What does love bombing mean, in a nutshell?
Although many of you are probably familiar with the term, let’s quickly recap.
Love bombing means overwhelming the partner with excessive affection and attention.
If they can, narcissists will shower you with gifts and flood you with intense focus, practically mirroring your inner world.
This mirroring makes the partner feel like they are deeply in love — but in reality, they’re mostly falling in love with themselves, reflected back at them.
Love bombing is an extremely intense and colorful phase in narcissistic relationships.
The narcissist creates a strong emotional bond very quickly.
But — not all narcissists use love bombing in the same way or to the same extent.
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What determines whether a narcissist uses love bombing?
• The type of narcissist (grandiose, covert, or malignant),
• The personality of the partner,
• The narcissist’s current emotional state and life situation:
what phase of life they are in, what mood they’re in,
and what past wounds they carry.
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The Classic Grandiose (Overt) Narcissist
As we know, grandiose narcissists appear very confident, extroverted, dominant, arrogant, and boastful.
They have a strong sense of superiority and an intense feeling of entitlement.
For them, romantic conquest — especially in their early twenties — is like a stage where they get to shine.
As a result, it’s very common for a grandiose narcissist to launch into intense love bombing at the beginning of courtship.
With their charismatic presence and charm, they can quickly enchant their chosen target.
At first, they leave a very attractive impression — their confidence, appearance, and style often make others view them positively.
During this initial stage, the grandiose narcissist places their partner on a pedestal, showering them with attention, compliments, and treating them like something precious.
However, they don’t truly see their partner as an independent person, but rather as an extension of themselves.
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Love Bombing Isn’t Always Flashy
It’s important to highlight: love bombing doesn’t always happen in a spectacular, visible way.
A grandiose narcissist might choose not to invest a lot of energy into this phase, depending on a few factors.
For example:
• If the partner’s personality is already very compliant, submissive,
• Or if the narcissist senses early on that the partner already adores them,
then there’s no need for intense efforts — the love bombing may be milder or even absent.
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When Do They Intensify Love Bombing?
If the chosen partner:
• Has a high status,
• Holds a good job,
• Is very attractive,
• Has special talents,
• Or possesses qualities that could boost the narcissist’s self-image,
then the narcissist amplifies the love bombing to make sure they secure the partner.
If they can, they’ll become very generous.
They’ll take the partner to fancy places, make grand gestures, constantly court them.
But remember:
it’s not about you — it’s about their goals.
They see opportunity in their partner:
• What they own,
• Who they know,
• How they could contribute to the narcissist’s future.
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Emotional State Can Also Influence It
If the grandiose narcissist has recently suffered an emotional wound (for example, being dumped by a previous partner),
it can be a massive blow to their ego.
In these cases, they might dive into even more intense idealization of the new partner — as a way of trying to heal themselves.
This euphoric infatuation helps mask the pain of their previous failure.
Here, love bombing acts as an escape and a way of proving to themselves that they’re still desirable, still on top.
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When Love Bombing Doesn’t Happen
If the narcissist is juggling multiple relationships at the same time (which is very common),
their attention is divided — and they won’t dedicate extreme devotion to any one new partner.
If they’re stressed — facing work problems, financial issues, etc. —
then their energy might be drained.
They’ll become more impatient and selfish even at the beginning of the relationship,
and the usual charm and courtship might be absent.
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The Covert Narcissist – The Silent Conqueror Who Wields Wounds as Weapons
The covert narcissist behaves very differently compared to their grandiose counterpart.
Outwardly, they often appear more modest, insecure — even introverted.
They are much more sensitive to criticism. But don’t be fooled —
their internal drives are the same as the grandiose narcissist’s:
• They still crave grandiosity,
• They are still deeply self-centered,
they just express it in a different way.
The covert narcissist’s self-esteem is far more fragile.
They are prone to depression, anxiety, and have an intense need for constant validation.
They fear rejection more than anything.
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Love Bombing Happens Here Too — Just in a Different Style
According to experts, love bombing is a tool used by every type of narcissist —
but the style varies.
While the grandiose narcissist bombards loudly and theatrically,
the covert narcissist does it quietly, stealthily.
They often play the victim or martyr role.
What does this look like?
• They share long stories about past heartbreaks:
“Nobody ever understood me, everyone betrayed and used me.”
• This triggers empathy — especially from a rescuer-type partner
who feels an urge to help.
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They Don’t Shower You With Praise — They Build a Deep Emotional Bond
The covert narcissist’s version of love bombing isn’t about putting you on a pedestal.
Instead, they emphasize how special your connection is — almost as if it’s fated, spiritual, karmic.
They open up, share secrets (which are often exaggerated or even fabricated),
creating the illusion that you’re connecting with a deeply feeling, sincere soul.
This makes the partner think:
“This must be something rare, deep, and destined.”
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Typical Things a Covert Narcissist Might Say:
• “I’ve never felt this way with anyone else.”
• “You’re the only one I can open my heart to.”
• “This is different… you’re different.”
It’s incredibly effective — especially for those longing for a soulmate.
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Pseudo-Altruism: Manipulation Wrapped in a Victim’s Mask
At the beginning of the relationship, the covert narcissist often appears selfless, helpful.
They might do small favors for you, or make sacrifices — but everything comes with strings attached.
Later on:
• They will bring these sacrifices up,
• Guilt-trip you,
• Use emotional blackmail to control you.
This too is love bombing — just in disguise.
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Why Don’t They Always Bombard You?
Because they’re terrified of rejection.
Their fear of criticism is paralyzing.
If the partner seems withdrawn or hard to reach,
the covert narcissist holds back — afraid to make bold moves.
Instead, they’ll show silent attention, sulking, passive-aggressive behavior,
to provoke concern:
“What’s wrong?”
— and thus, they get the validation they crave.
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Who Do They Latch Onto Most Eagerly?
The covert narcissist specifically targets empathetic, caring, rescuer-type people:
• Those who resonate with “wounded souls,”
• Who tend to prioritize others’ needs over their own,
• Who dream of “fixing” someone broken.
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And If You’re Not That Type?
If you are:
• Independent,
• Assertive,
• Unimpressed by drama,
• Skeptical of “too magical” stories —
then the covert narcissist simply doesn’t know what to do with you.
Either they won’t even try,
or if they do, they’ll quickly lose interest
and go looking for someone easier to pull into their fantasy world.
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The Malignant Narcissist – The Perfect Fusion of Manipulation and Cruelty
Experts use the term “malignant narcissism” for individuals whose narcissistic traits are mixed with psychopathic tendencies, aggression, and sadism.
They’re not just lacking empathy, arrogant, and boastful — they are consciously cruel and manipulative, and they enjoy causing pain.
For them, a romantic relationship isn’t about connection — it’s a battlefield.
The goal: power over the other person — emotional, physical, or financial control.
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Love Bombing Happens Here Too — But Far More Calculated
The malignant narcissist also follows the classic cycle:
• Idealization,
• Love bombing,
• Devaluation,
• Discard,
• And sometimes hoovering (reeling you back in).
But in their case, the cycle is harsher, more brutal, more intense — and highly premeditated.
One therapist described it like this:
“The malignant narcissist starts off strong — with gifts, exaggerated attention, overwhelming kindness.
But none of it comes from love — it’s a carefully woven web.”
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False Safety — The Illusion of Finding “The One”
The partner believes they’ve finally found the love they’ve always dreamed of.
But in reality, the love bombing here is just a trap — a calculated setup for later abuse.
Once the bond is established, the switch happens:
• Manipulation,
• Creating jealousy,
• Gaslighting,
• Emotional blackmail,
• And sometimes even physical violence.
This stark contrast — from being treated like a queen to being thrown into the mud —
creates trauma bonding.
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Intermittent Reinforcement: The Strongest Addiction
The constant alternation between reward and abuse — called intermittent reinforcement —
creates a psychological dependency that is extremely hard to break.
The victim keeps trying to recapture the early “euphoria,”
enduring humiliation and suppression in the process.
And that’s exactly what the malignant narcissist wants:
emotional subjugation, total control.
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Sometimes Love Bombing Doesn’t Even Happen — Because Control Already Exists
If the relationship is already based on dependency (e.g., financial vulnerability),
the narcissist may dominate from the very beginning.
There’s no need for a honeymoon phase — the control is already secured.
This is common in dynamics where:
• There’s a significant power imbalance,
• Boss-subordinate relationships,
• Older wealthy men and young, inexperienced women.
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Their Target: The Vulnerable
The malignant narcissist consciously seeks out partners who:
• Have a history of trauma,
• Suffer from emotional deprivation,
• Have low self-esteem,
• Are empathetic and submissive.
For such a person, the love bombing feels like medicine —
finally, someone seems to value them.
And the hope that “this time it’s different,” or “they will heal me,”
blinds them to all the red flags.
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But What If the Target Is Strong?
If the chosen partner is confident and has healthy self-esteem,
then the malignant narcissist will either:
• Launch an extreme, aggressive effort to win them over,
• Or move on quickly if they can’t extract any benefit.
They cannot tolerate boundaries.
They cannot handle prolonged resistance.
If they can’t break you — they discard you
and go hunting for easier prey.
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Multiple Victims — Selective Love Bombing
The malignant narcissist often keeps multiple people “in play” at the same time.
When one victim tries to escape, they reel them back in with a small kindness.
Meanwhile, they are punishing another victim.
They rotate attention strategically.
This creates an even stronger trauma bond.
The victim never knows what to expect — and this deepens the entrapment.
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Summary: What Do They All Have in Common?
Every type of narcissist may use love bombing —
but not all in the same way, and not always in every case.
• The grandiose narcissist starts loudly and intensely, especially in their younger years.
• The covert narcissist uses subtle manipulation, plays on vulnerability, and portrays themselves as a martyr.
• The malignant narcissist uses love bombing as a weapon, deliberately, to achieve total control.
The personality of the partner plays a crucial role:
• Someone who is vulnerable, has low self-esteem, and is highly empathetic
becomes a much easier target.
On the other hand, someone who:
• Is assertive,
• Can set strong boundaries,
• Doesn’t believe in “too good to be true” fairytales —
will usually be avoided by narcissists.
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In Closing:
Love bombing is not love.
It simply means that you seem useful to someone who only wants to possess you.
It’s not because you are unlovable —
it’s simply that this is the limit of what they are capable of.
Recognizing the pattern — is power.
Walking away from it — is freedom.
Knowing it was never your fault — is healing.
Real love is quieter, slower, but infinitely deeper.
Take care of yourself.
Know what you are worthy of — and never settle for less.
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